Eki airyqqa tirelip, jolaushyday adasqan,
Eki oily bop jýremin, jýrek, miym talasqan.
Eki adam ómir sýredi -  bir denede bolghanmen,
Eki talay dýniye, kimderge osy jarasqan?

Osy ólendi osydan 10 jylgha juyq búryn jazyp edim.
Ózimmen ózim soghysyp, ne jenbey, ne jenilmey “it jyghys” bolyp jýrgenime mine, sodan  beri, “jergóktegi balanyng oiynyn tastap bozbala bolatynday, bozbalanyng jalyndy jasqa ainalyp, qarasaqaldyng aqsaqal jasqa jetetinindey,” uaqyt ótipti. Sol uaqytty yrjynmen, ósek - ayanmen, dostarmen, aghayyndarmen tartysyp -talasumen, kýiki tirlikpen, iship - jegenge mәz boluymen ótkerippiz.

1980 jyldary qiyaldaushy edim: “Shirkin, Semeyden bir ýsh komnataly kvartiragha qolym jetse ghoy, sodan seh bastyghy bolyp alsam, sodan pensiyagha shyqsam, kәrteygende bir dacha salyp alyp sonda kórshilermen syra iship, domino men qarta oinap, monshama týsip, baqshamdy shúqylap ómirimdi ótkizsem, sodan artyq qanday baqyt kerek?” dep. 

«Adam balasyna osydan artyq qanday baqyt kerek» degen pәlsәpa qiyalym «Soslageri» degen týrmeden shyqpaghan, kórsoqyr beybaqtyn, qojayynnyng tastaghan sýiek -sayaghy men juyndysyn ishetin qara tóbetting qiyalynday ghana pәlsәpa  ekenin Qúdaygha shýkir basynda qaly bar taqyrbas “Soslagerdi” әdeyi me, әlde ózi ne istegenin bayqamay qaldy ma, әiteuir qúlaghan song týsindim.

Eki airyqqa tirelip, jolaushyday adasqan,
Eki oily bop jýremin, jýrek, miym talasqan.
Eki adam ómir sýredi -  bir denede bolghanmen,
Eki talay dýniye, kimderge osy jarasqan?

Osy ólendi osydan 10 jylgha juyq búryn jazyp edim.
Ózimmen ózim soghysyp, ne jenbey, ne jenilmey “it jyghys” bolyp jýrgenime mine, sodan  beri, “jergóktegi balanyng oiynyn tastap bozbala bolatynday, bozbalanyng jalyndy jasqa ainalyp, qarasaqaldyng aqsaqal jasqa jetetinindey,” uaqyt ótipti. Sol uaqytty yrjynmen, ósek - ayanmen, dostarmen, aghayyndarmen tartysyp -talasumen, kýiki tirlikpen, iship - jegenge mәz boluymen ótkerippiz.

1980 jyldary qiyaldaushy edim: “Shirkin, Semeyden bir ýsh komnataly kvartiragha qolym jetse ghoy, sodan seh bastyghy bolyp alsam, sodan pensiyagha shyqsam, kәrteygende bir dacha salyp alyp sonda kórshilermen syra iship, domino men qarta oinap, monshama týsip, baqshamdy shúqylap ómirimdi ótkizsem, sodan artyq qanday baqyt kerek?” dep. 

«Adam balasyna osydan artyq qanday baqyt kerek» degen pәlsәpa qiyalym «Soslageri» degen týrmeden shyqpaghan, kórsoqyr beybaqtyn, qojayynnyng tastaghan sýiek -sayaghy men juyndysyn ishetin qara tóbetting qiyalynday ghana pәlsәpa  ekenin Qúdaygha shýkir basynda qaly bar taqyrbas “Soslagerdi” әdeyi me, әlde ózi ne istegenin bayqamay qaldy ma, әiteuir qúlaghan song týsindim.

Ákeyden berilgen pysyqtyq pen júmyskerlikting arqasynda 1997 jyldary kóp elden búryn, ata - babam barmaq týgil armandap ta kórmegen Germaniya, Italiyagha baryp, sondaghy ómirdi kórip: “Ne degen sorly halyqpyz, bizdi Alla taghala nege osynsha jazalady eken. Mynalar peyishte, biz tozaqta ómir sýrip jatyr ekenbiz ghoy?” dep jylap, ómirden týnilip, qúlazyp qaytqanym esimde. Pavlodarda 10 qabattaghy balkonnan sýrensiz aulagha, tozghan temir garajdargha qarap túryp, kóz aldyma Rim men Frankfurt elestep “Shirkin, bizding Qazaqstanda qashan sonday ómir bolady eken” dep qiyaaldap, kózim bulanghany әli esimde.

Sol jyldary Alashtyng ardaqtysy Maghjannyng “Men jastargha senemin” degen ólenin oqyp, Maghjan aityp otyrghan JAS naghyz men emespin be? Maghan qaratyp aityp otyr ghoy Maghjan babam? Sovetting shynjyry ózinen ózi shirip týsip qaldy, qolym da bos, ayaghym da bos, endi Alash atyn aspangha men shygharmaghanda kim shygharady” dep silkinip, talay týnder tәtti qiyaldardyng qúshaghynda, úiqygha ketkenshe jospar qúryp jatatyn týnderim kóp edi!
Biraq ol qiyaaldar sol qiyal kýii qala berdi, kýnder jyljyp, ailar syrghyp óte berdi.

1990 jyldary Abaygha bas qoyyp oqyp, ózimshe izdene bastadym. Ómirding mәni nede degen súraqtarmeni qayta mazalay bastady.
“Meni men menikining airylghanyn,
Óldi dep at qoyypty ónkey bilmes” degen ólenining pәlsapasyn týsine almay, týsindiretin adam taba almay, әrkimnen bir súrap sandalghanym da bar edi. “Nege jalghyz Abay bilgish bolady da, bar adamzat ónkey bilmes bolady” dep taghy dalúratynmyn.
Sol ólenning jauabyn Hakimning basqa ólenderinen tauyp “ E, meni de Alla taghala tóbemdi tesik qylyp jaratqan eken-au, mende de Abaydy týsinetin sәule bar eken-au” dep ózime ózim bir riza bolghanym esimde.

Sodan alghashqylardyng biri bolyp Bizneske bel sheship kirisip kettik! Biznes jayly bilim bizde ol kezde qaydan bolsyn??
1995 jyldan bastap búryn nansha jeytin qazaqsha kitaptardy tastap, shet elden orys tiline audarylyp jatqan: Menedjment, Marketing, Reklama, Motivasiya, Logistika deysiz be, әiteuir erkin ekonomikanyng qyr-syryna jeteleytin dýniyelerdi qyryq kýn shólden kelip suatqa jetken týiedey simirip oqy bastadym. Ómirin kýrespen, izdenumen ótkizgen, talay sharualar istep ketken әlemdegi myqty degen adamdardyng memuarlaryn oqugha  da osy kezde mýmkindik tudy.

Asa bay da emes, asa kedey de emes, ne ishem, ne jeymin deytin jaghdaydy óz basyma osy jyldary jasadym , sheshem qolymda, aghayyn tughanyma qolymnan kelgenshe kómegimdi tiygizdim. Nege ekenin asa baylyqqa qúmarta almadym.  Óitkeni, Lev Tolstoy degen shal bir kezdegi osy el qyzghanatynday bay bolsam degen bir niyetimdi byt shyt qylyp óltirip tastaghan bolatyn.
Biraq osy ómirimnen esh lәzzat ala almadym, materiyaldyq jaghdayym jaqsy bolghanmen, ishimde ylghy it ólip jatady. Ózime ózim kónilim tolmay, satqyndyq jasap satyp ketken adamnyng keypinde jýrdim.

Maghan osy kýnge deyin eki oy maza bermey keledi: ekeuine de Abay atam kinәli:
Birinshisi:
«Ózing ýshin enbek etsen, ózi ýshin ottaghan hayuannyn
biri bolasyn».
«Kópting qamyn әuelden tәniri oilaghan»
«Áreket qyl, paydasy kópke tiysin» deydi.

Ózimshe silkinip: “Men janbasam lapyldap, sen janbasang lapyldap” әreket etudi jón kórip iske kirisip ketkim keledi.
“Jinaghan tergen bilimimdi jastargha ýireteyin, FB (facebok.com әleumettik jelisin aitady. -red) degen keremet qúral shyghypty, sol arqyly manayymdaghy adamdargha yqpal jasayyn, Qazaqtyng bay bolyp, bilimdi bolyp, mәdeniyetti bolyp aldynghy qatarly elderding sanatyna kiruine tittey de bolsa ýlesimdi qosayyn” dep sheshtim. Búl talabyma Ahmet Baytúrsyn babamnyng ósiyeti qamshy boldy.

Biraz qúlshynpata  kórdim.

Sosyn, ekinshi oy qylang berip qoymaydy:
Ekinshi oi:
“Týzetpek edim zamandy, Ózimdi tym-aq zor tútyp".
“Múnday elden boyyng tart, Men qajydym, sen qajy!”
“Jay jýrgendi uerd* qylyp, Tynysh ólsenshi teginde”

“Abay týzete almaghan Qazaqty týzeytindey, jol silteytindey sen kim edin?!!!”- degen oy edi búl.

Osy ekinshi oy keyingi kezde bel alyp, jenip bara jatyr meni.

* uerd - әdet, qalyp degen sózdi bildiredi.

Abai.kz