Áyelder taqyrybyn jalghastyrayyn. Býginde basy bos әielder kóp. Olardyng ishinde mýlde túrmysqa shyqpaghandar da, túrmysqa shyghyp ajyrasyp ketkender de az emes. Kýieui qaytys bolghandar da barshylyq.

Bayqaghanym, tabysty, jetistikke jetken әielderding kóbi búryn túrmysta bolghandar. Olardyng ómiri túrmysta bolghan jәne kýieuden ajyrasqan kezeng bolyp ekige bólinedi. Ekinshi kezeninde ajyrasqan әielder kәsip bastap nemese ózining iyelengen mamandyghy boyynsha jetistikke jetip, qoghamnan belgili oryn iyelenip jatady. Túrmysta jýrgende eleusiz jýrgen, otbasynyng qamynan ózgege alandamaytyn, pәlendey qabylet-qarymy da joq siyaqty kórinetin osy әielder kýieuden ajyrasqan song mýlde basqa adamgha ainalyp ketetini bar. “Anau búrynghy pәlenshe emes,mýlde basqa әiel, ony mýlde tanymaysyn, kýieuinen ketkeli tura ekinshi tynysy ashylghanday” degen sózderdi ajyrasqan әielder jayly kóp estuge bolady.

Juyrda bir isker әielder ortasyna týsip, olardyng әngimesin tyndau barysynda ekisining birining ajyrasqan әiel ekenin estip taghy da tanghaldym. Bәri de aqylyna kórki say qazaqtyng men degen azamatyna layyq jandar. Qalay ghana kýieui qiyp ajyrasty eken degendeysin. Bәri de bir-birin sýiip qosylghan júbaylar bolghan. Alayda, dәm-túzdary jaraspaghan. Sebepterin әriyne, súraugha batpadym.

Biraq olardyng býginde jasap jýrgen júmysy, jetistigi eriksiz otbasy psihologiyasynda aitylatyn júbaylardyng bir-birine baghynyshty, bir-biri aldynda mindetti, bir-birine tәueldi jandar bolmay nemese menshigine ainalmay, әrqaysynyng jeke qalauy, erkindigi, mýmkindigi eskeriletin, qúrmetteletin jeke túlghalar retinde seriktes boluy qajettigi jayly qaghida esime týsti. Rasy kerek, qazaq otbasylarynda búghan mәn berilui bylay túrsyn, ony aitu óreskel jay bolyp qabyldanady kóp jaghdayda. Bizde “Áyel erkekting qabyrghasynan jaralghan”, ”erine baghynghan әiel jannatqa barady” degen týsiniktermen әielderdi er adamnyng basybayly menshigi sekildi qaraudy talap etetin jazylmaghan ereje bar. Ásirese, ontýstik ónirde búl talap airyqsha saltanat qúrghandyghy jayly jii estiymiz.

Ýiding tirligi,balany ósirip,tәrbiyeleu sekildi tirshilikting kózge kórinbeytin qamyty da әielding moynyna artylyp qoyylghan. Kýieuining aitqanynan shyqpau, ol ne dese qúp kóru kerek. Barghan jerin baqytty etu de әielge artylghan jýk. Osylaysha qogham tapsyrghan qalyng mindetti iyghyna artyp alghan әiel kýieuge shyqqan song әiel jaqsy әiel, jaqsy kelin, jaqsy ana, “barghan jerine tastay batyp, suday singen” jaqsy qyz boludyng qamyna kirisedi. Túrmysqa shyghu dep aty aitylyp túrghanday ol ózin kýieuimen baqytty ómir sýruge emes, túrmystyng bitpeytin tirligine arnaydy. Bala kezden jýrekti әldiylegen arman, sýiikti kәsippen ainalysyp,ózining qarym-qabyletining mýmkindigin kórsetsem,sol arqyly, qoghamnan oryn alsam degen maqsat bylay túrsyn, tipti bir uaqyt ýy tirliginen boy jazu eleske ainalyp ketedi ghoy. Qyryq jany bar bolghandyqtan bәrine uaqyt tabu kerek, biraq tek ózine emes. Birnәrse ýirenu,oqu,jetiluding auyly alysta qalady. Keshegi kózi janghan armanshyl, súlu qyz ýnemi sharshap jýretin, eshqanday qyzyghushylyghy joq, qazan-ayaqtan ózgeni bilmeytin, sәl birnәrse bolsa jýikesi shytynap túratyn ashushan,aqylsyz,kóriksiz bireuge ainalady. Sóitip aldymen ózining bir kezde sýiip qosylghan,ózi dese janyn beretin kýieuine qyzyqsyz bola bastaydy. Ortada jýrgen, júmystan basqa alandaytyn mәsele joq,saluly tósek salqyn ýide jýrgen kýieuge ýidegi yzyngýlden góri syrttaghy әielder tartymdy kórine beredi. Óitkeni olar kýtimdi,әr nәrseden habary bar, tildese bastasang әngimeng jarasyp kete barady jәne ýnemi sharshap, shekesi tyrysyp jýrmeydi. Osylaysha óz әielinen jerinip, olarmen kónil qosa bastaydy. Onyng sony kóbine ajyrasugha әkelip jatady.

Zertteuler nekening búzyluyna negizgi sebep retinde kózge shóp salushylyqty aitady. Al, múnday opasyzdyqtyng da astarynda әiel men erkek arasyndaghy bir-birine kónil bólmeushilik, qarym-qatynastaghy ýilesimning joqtyghy jatyr. Múnyng bәri kóbine otbasyndaghy bir-birine degen teng kózqarastyng joqtyghynan. Áyel әiel bolghandyqtan bәrine mindetti degen birjaqty týsinikting erejege ainalghandyghynan. Osylaysha, әielding myqty әiel bolyp, túrmysty ýiirip әketui, ózgeni baqytty etuge úmtyluy ózin ghana emes, tútas otbasynyng ómirine syzat týsiredi. Osylaysha shanyraq shayqalady.

Kýieuden ajyrasyp,ózimen ózi qalghan әiel arman-maqsattary da eske týsip, ómirin soghan arnay bastaydy. Ajyrasqan әielderding myqty bolyp, tabysqa jetuining bir negizgi sebebi osy. Áriyne, keshte bolsa ózin tapqany dúrys bolghanyna quanugha bolatyn shyghar. Biraq qanday qúrbandyqpen ózining armanyn baghyndyryp, túlgha retinde tanytqanyn oilaghanda ókinish ózekti órtep jiberedi. Óitkeni, shanyraq ortasyna týsip,bala jetim qaldy. Býginde tórt-bes balasymen ajyrasushylar kóp. Onyng bәri demesek te kóbi jýreginde jaraqaty bar, ómirge ókpeli jandar. Óitkeni bizde ajyrasqan ata-analar bir-birinen ghana emes, balalarynan da bezedi. Shyn mәninde әu bastan júbaylar bir-birining menshigi emes, jeke túlgha retinde qaray alsa, bir-birine qoldau kórsetse,bir-birin tolyqtyra bilse, bir-birimen әrdayym, sóilesuge,kelisuge dayyn bolsa, әielder kýieulerining qasynda jýrip-aq tabysqa jeter edi. Óz qabyletin kórsetetin mýmkindikti basqa jerden izdemes edi. Júbaylar da bir-birine qyzyqty bolyp,aytar әngimesi tausylmas edi ghoy. Múnday júpta әielding bireui baqytty etui qajet bolmay,baqyt búl otbasyn ózi tauyp alar edi-au.

Otbasynyng baqyty qúqy teng eki jeke túlghanyng seriktestigi, otbasyndaghy ýndestik, bereke osy eki túlghanyng ortaq úmtylysynda degendi tereng týsingende ghana bizdegi otbasy beriktigi artady. Ajyrasqan әielderding jetistigi quanatyn jaghday shyghar. Biraq onyng jolyndaghy qúrbandyqtyng qúny tym qymbat. Olar әriyne, ruh myqtylyghynyn,tabandylyqtyng ýlgisi. Biraq onyng artynda qanshama kóz jasy, aqtalmaghan senim, ýmit jatyr sonymen qatar teris ýlgi de bar. Qoghamda qit etse ajyrasyp ketuge dayyn túrudyng astarynda “pәlenshening ajyrasyp ketip, jetken jetisitigi” jatqanyn joqqa shyghara almaymyz. Sonymen qatar ózi ajyrasqan әielding ózgening baqytyna da atýsti qarap, bireuding úiyghan otbasyn búzudan qashpaytynyna da mysal jeterlik. Qysqasy otbasynyng búzyluynyng tolyp jatqan zardaby bar. Áriyne,әr týrli jaghdayda ajyrasqan әielder bar. Bizding sóz etkenimiz otbasylyq psihologiyada airyqsha mәn beriletin negizgi sebepterding biri.

Tútastay alghanda әiel men erkekting otbasyndaghy rólin bir-birining qúqyn taptamay, tendey qarap, olardyng әrqaysynyng óz qalauy, armany bar jeke túlgha, әrqaysynyng óz armanyna jetip, baqytty boluy,qoghamnan layyqty oryn aluy otbasy baqytynyng kilti ekenin úghynu jәne soghan say әreket etu otbasyndaghy qarym-qatynastyng ýilesimine jetkizu arqyly býkil qoghamdy baqytty etetinin týsinu qajet bolyp túr.

Aysha Túrmaghanbetova,

Astana

Abai.kz