«Qara shanyraq» belsendileri vatsapta bas qosqanda talqylanatyn mәselening biri - qazaqtyng qazirgi zamandaghy ýilenu toyy. Shyghyny kóp, mәni joq, dәstýri tysqary deydi kópting pikiri. Ýilenetin eki jastyng tórding tóbesine otyryp alatynyn da ersi deydi. Ras, kelisemin, sovettik kezende, 60 jyldary qalyptasty. Búl qazaq dәstýrli otbasy, neke, jalpy adamy qúndylyqtary jýz jyl boyy orys engizgen janalyqtargha qarsy kýresip әbden tityqtaghan uaqyt bolatyn. Osylaysha qazaq dәstýrining ornyna ne orys emes, ne komsomol emes, әiteuir qoyyrtpaq birdeme endi. Soghan qazir túlypqa móniregendey maldanyp jýrmiz, tipti ony «bayytyp» ana halyqtan birdeme úrlap, myna halyqtan birdeme úrlap kýrdelendirip jatyrmyz.

Ótken joly Ybyray Altynsarinning maqalasyna sýiene otyryp qazaqtyng dәstýrli ýilenu toyy turaly jazyp edik. Endi sol ýlken maqalada aitylghan kóp mәselening birine ghana toqtalayyq, ol - Qyz úzatu toyy.

Býkil etnografiyalyq әdebiyetti qarap shyqtym, «Qazaqtyng ýilenu toyy» degenimiz «Qyz úzatu toyy» ! Qyryq jetini aidap keletin jer de, kýieu jaq alyp kelgen toy malynyng soyylatyn jeri de, otau men jasaudyng dayyndalatyn jeri de osy, «qúda tartu», «qyz qashu», «qúda arasyndaghy aitys», bәige, kókpar, «jar-jar (aujar), «synsu» barlyghy qyzdyng auylynda bolady. Eng ayaghy «neke qiyar» da qyz auylynda ótkiziledi.

Myndaghan jyldar, sonau analyq dәuirinen bastap HH ghasyr basyna deyin qazaq osy dәstýrmen ómir sýrgen. Kelinshek týspey jatyp onyng otau ýiin, ishine shymyldyghymen qúryp qoyady, yaghny ol ózining ýiine týsedi. Kýieuding tuys-jaqyny jinalghan song ýlken ýige baryp otqa may qúyady, betashar aitqanda ýlkenderge sәlem beredi. Mine, osymenen toy ayaqtalady.

Eski shejireni oqyp otyrsaq jigit jaghyndaghy toy turaly aitylsa, «pәlenshening otauy keldi», sonyng toyy deydi. Kәne әdebiyetti qarayyq. Mәshhýr Edige by turaly aita kelip «Shonnyng túsynda: «Janqozynyng jalpaq bayy»- atanypty. Basy Shonnyng ózi bay, Bәzil de bay, Bәrmen de bay, Aqyn da bay, Batyr da bay, Aqpan da bay, Botpa da bay, Laba da bay, Saba da bay, Shapat da bay, Abat da bay,- bay emesi joq. Shong biyding túsynda Janqozygha bir jaylauda jýz otau týsipti». Yaghny bir jazda Janghozy degen atanyng auyldaryna jýz kelin týsken bolyp otyr, basty mәsele otaudyng kelui, yaghny jana ýiding payda boluy.

Ekinshi bir derek Abylay hannyng bir joryqtyng kezinde Qarakesek Jarylghap batyrdyng auylyna kelui: «Jarylghaptyng әdet isi eken deydi: «Ólim boljalsyz, kelim boljalsyz- degen. Meyman qonaq: «Men býgin pәlenshekenikine baramyn»- dep, habar salyp kelmeydi. Kýndiz kelip qala ma, týnde kelip qala ma?»- dep, ýy ishin tósenish tósetip, qúda-kýieu keletúghyn ýidey qylyp qoyady eken. Manqan degen bәibishesi bar eken. Qaz dauysty Qazybekting balasynyng otauy týsip, toy bolyp, toygha ketken eken. Jolaman, Tastemir, Atybay, Kenjebay,- degen tórt balasy bar eken. Ekeui jylqyda, ekeui qysyr saughaly ketken eken. Ýide Jarylghaptyng jalghyz óz basynan basqa jan joq eken. Tósegining ýstinde irge jaqqa qarap jatyr eken. Bir uaqytta ýige habarlandyru ýshin jiyen sәlem berip kirip keldi.
- Bú qaysyn?- deydi.
- Men jiyen: Kereyit pәlenshemin,- deydi.
- Ne qyl deysin?- deydi.
Ýy syrtynda alpys qosshysymen Abylay han týsip jatyr,- deydi...». Búl jerde de Qaz dauysty Qazybek biyding balasynyng otauy týskeni sóz bolyp túr. Soghan Jarylghaptyng bәibishesi barghan bolyp túr, әiel emes pe, qyzyqtap, qútty bolsyn aityp, kórimdigin alyp barady da. Búl jerde Qaz dauysty Qazybek balam ýilendi dep toy jasap, oghan Jarylghap batyr tayly-tayaghy qalmay bardy delinbeydi. Jarylghaptyng tórt úly óz sharuashylyghynda jýr, biri jylqyda, biri qysyr sauyp jatyr. Ýlken toy bolsa, ózderi jaqyn aghayyn, olar da barar edi ghoy.

Osy әngimelerden ne angharamyz ? Birinshi, býkil toy qyz jaghynda ótedi. Toygha qonaq shaqyru degen tek sol jaqta, basyna sәukele kiygen qyzdyng jas jengesi atqa minip jaqyn auyldardy aralap shyghady. Ol kezde auyl degen ýsh-tórt ýi, onyng ózi jaqyn aghayyn. Toygha kelgen әr adam belgili bir funksionaldy qyzmet atqarady, ne aitysady, ne tartysady degen siyaqty. Toy mazmúny óte bay, әr qimyl qazirgi piesagha tatidy, mysaly qyzdyng qúrbylarynyng kiyiz ýiding ishinde, jigitting joldastary syrtynda aujar aitysuy, nemese qyzdyng basyna dәl attanar aldynda taqiyasyn sheship sәukele kiygizu t.b.

Bizding qazirgi qazaq toyy siyaqty eki-ýsh jýz adamdy bir jerge jinap meshkeylik jarys, danghaza bi, «auzymen qús tistegen, júrtqa aqyl aitqan, keyde úrysqan» asaba degen atymen joq, onday mýmkin emes.
Onyng esesine ýilenip jatqan eki jastyng shaghyn otauy, yaghny pәterleri jasauymen dayyn, astarynda at әbzelimen jorgha attary dayyn, endi atasynan enshi alyp nege óz sharuashylyghyn, ózderining otbasylyq ómirin bastap ketpeske ?! Qyryq jetini beretin, toy malyn әkeletin kýieu jaq, biraq ýy qylyp shygharatyn qalyndyq jaq. Otau ýy de, jasau da, basyndaghy sәukele de, tipti atasy bergen saulyq qoylar da kelinning óz jeke menshigi bolyp tabylady. Matriarhat deseng de bolady eken ghoy. Ýilenu degen sózding ózi ýy bolu degen maghyna beredi, yaghny ýige ie bolu !

Al qazir biz ne istep jýrmiz ? Dәstýrge qaytyp keleyik aghayyn, úl ósirseng qyryq jeti jina, yaghny úldyng otau ýiin dayynda, qyz ósirseng – qyzdyng jasauyn aldyn ala qamda.

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