Jaryq sónip, qaranghylyq ornaydy. Jaylap shymyldyq ashylady. Bir sәt demindi ishke tartyp, esh qimylsyz qalasyn. Bastaldy... Qazir ne bolady eken?!

Búl – teatr sýier qauymnyng әrbiri sezinip kórgen sәt. Spektakli óte jaqsy bolsa, býkil bolmysyng men denendi oryndyqta qaldyryp, oiyng men qiyalynnyng qalay akterge erip sahnagha shyghyp ketkenin bayqamay da qalasyn. Al ol – basqasha әlem. Biraq, kórermendi bir demmen elitip, aqyl men sezimine iyelik etu barlyq qoyylym men әrtisting qolynan kele bermeydi. Ásirese, klassikalyq tuyndylar men tarihy dramalar sol jaghynan aqsap jatady. Sebebi onda artistizm algha shyghyp ketedi. Sodan keyin kórermenge Otellonyng qyzghanyshy qanday, Gamletting qayghysy qaysy, Abylay hannyng armany ne bәribir. Óitkeni, akter sol keyipkerlerding obrazyn ghana somdap jýredi. Al kórermenge әrtis emes, adam kerek. Ol spektakliden Dezdemonasyn ózining kólenkesinen de qorityn Otellony emes, sýiiktisin ólerdey qyzghanatyn ózin kóru kerek. Qalyng qazaq armany ýshin Abylay emes, ózi kýresu kerek. Sonda ghana kórermen ishki súraqtaryna jauap ala alady. Shәken ata Aymanovsha aitsaq, «Teatr – adamnyng ózin-ózi sahnadan kórip, ózin-ózi týsinetin oryn».

Mysaly, Qaliybek Quanyshbaev teatrynda M.Áuezovtyng «Abay joly» romany jelisinde jazylghan «Abay» degen qoyylym bar. Qodar men Qamqa ýshin aitysyp-tartysqan biy-bolystar men taqiya kiyip, taspih ústaghan shәkirtterdi kórip, tura HIH ghasyrgha top ete qalghanday bolasyn. Sosyn bizding sanamyzgha jattalyp qalghan shapan kiyip, saqal qoyghan, qalyng grimmen portrettik beynesi dәl jasalghan manghaz Abay shyghady sahnagha. Ádettegidey akter úly aqyndy esh kemshiliksiz iydeal, bәrinen de aqyldy etip somdap shyghady. Romandy oqyghandar bolsa, oqighanyng ary qaray ne bolatynyn aldyn ala bilip otyrady. Spektakli bitkennen keyin kórermen «E-e, Abaydy óz zamanynda eshkim týsinbepti ghoy», «Ol qanday dana edi, әtten, qadirine jetpepti» dep hakimdi eske alyp, onyng bir ghasyr búryn ómirden ótip ketkenine nalidy.

Al, shyn mәninde Abay ólgen joq qoy. Bәrimizding ishimizde «bir ret bolsa da óz ózimnen esep aluym kerek edi»dep oilap, «Qolymdy mezgilinen kesh sermedim-au» dep ókinip, «Mal bagham ba, el bagham ba, bala bagham ba» dep qinalyp otyrghan bir-bir «Abay» bar ghoy. Nege ony oilamadyq? Óitkeni, biz sahnadan ózimizdi emes, Abaydy ghana kórdik. Aytylyp jatqan sóz de Abaydiki, әn de, әlem de Abaydiki. Solaysha biz ózimizding de Abay ekenimizdi bayqamay qaldyq.

Jaqynda jas rejisser Farhad Moldaghaliyding ABAI “JAN” degen monospektalin kórip qayttym. Múndaghy Abay men oqyghan, men biletin Abaydyng beynesin tónkerip tastady. Mening aldymda shapan jamylyp, taqiya kiygen, syrbaz, salmaqty, aqyldy, dana, aqyn Abaydy emes, betinde esh grim joq, júqa kóilekshen, pafosty ýnmen emes, sybyrlap-aq syryn aitatyn, bәrimiz siyaqty jýgiretin, qúlaytyn, quanatyn, jylaytyn adam Abay túrdy. Búl Abay iydeal bolugha tyryspady, eshkimge aqyl aitpady. Tek bәrimizben adam bolyp sóilesti. Óitkeni, biz oghan qarap otyryp, óz ishimizdegi Abaydyng ýnin tyndadyq. Óitkeni, sahnada Abay emes, ózimiz jýrgen edik. Mine, óner. Ónerding qúdireti adamnyng ózin tanugha jeteleuimen ólshenbey me?!

Biz kóbine túlghalar obrazyn ashuda onyng syrtqy kórinisine (kiyim, grimm, sol uaqyt) ghana qatty mәn berip ketemiz de, eng negizgisi (ishki dausy, jany, iydeyasy) keyingi satygha ysyrylyp qalady. Olar ómir sýrgen kezendi tarih tolqyny shayyp әketse de, olardyng jany men oiy әli ómir sýrip keledi ghoy. Kórermen men oqyrmangha da keregi sol! Kanadalyq rejisser Rober Lepaj aitqanday «Adam býgin teatrgha  erteng adam bolyp qalu ýshin barady»...

Ásem Qúlmanova

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